Until, the universe decided to test to test my theory. Do you know what I mean? An event that is remarkably similar to a painful experience in the past.
My confidence took a bashing, darkness descended. Anxiety took over to the point of nausea. The feelings were so familiar. Memories came back in flashback form, in full Technicolor.
To make matters worse, I started an internal dialogue—and a cruel one at that.
Instead of helping, the inner voice added to the anxiety. I hit out at loves ones desperately wanting them to help me. And I got angry when they failed to step up to the mark.
I wanted to be comforted, nurtured and told every thing would be alright. I wanted someone to list the things I can do well; to be a leader, and to take charge. It took me a while to remember everything I have been taught. I own the voice inside my head. It can be my friend or enemy.
Instead of sitting and spiraling downwards in depression, I decided to do something completely different. Instead of someone telling me that I have abilities I decided to prove something to myself. I made the call and arranged the business meeting and got the outcome I wanted.
I refused to believe what was said about me.
I’m still feeling overwhelmed. But I have decided not to take anything else on for a while and slowly, step by step – or one day at a time as my friend is fond of saying – I will work through the back log and get back on track.