Finding the energy to write

If we found energy and passion down a well, I think mine is pretty low at the moment. But using the same analogy what have I been spending my energy on?

I spoke to a fella writer and blogger last week who told me 'every time I spend time and energy pushing someone else up I am slowly sinking down.'

Please check out her blog at http://magnoliasoul.wordpress.com/ she is quite insightful when she finds the time to write.

The result of these profound words is that I've been in a pretty bad mood all week.

Despite living 350 miles from an elderly aunt I spent yesterday afternoon downloading and filling in forms for her and completing them over the phone. Did I mind? No. But I was a bit miffed when she asked if my motives behind my act of kindness was to be left in her will! I know I'm not the only person out there who after spending a few hours 'trying to help' are left wondering, why did I bother? So why couldn't I say 'ask another relative or go to the CAB?' Now that is the question.

To a certain extent I think that women are there own worse enemies. Not only do they see themselves as the caretaker for family and friends, but quite often they do even when they aren't asked. They spend their energy on others.

The next big energy waste is the need for drama, either your own or other peoples. When I think of all the little and large drama's I've been involved in I can't help wondering where I would be if I could have just transferred that to writing screen plays.

I've always been most productive as a writer when I have booked time to write. Often going to the library or a coffee shop, somewhere the washing machine can't whisper 'why not empty me it will only take two seconds.'

Working with my husband as made this a little more difficult. I like structure he is (bizarrely coming from a writer) more creative with his time. I have also noticed that when he is absorbed in a task he is completely focused. The grass could be screaming 'mow me, mow me now' and he still wouldn't notice. And better yet he wouldn't feel guilty about not doing it. I envy that. Recently he is focused on bodybuilding and wants to compete in a tournament next year. He's made amazing progress in just a couple of months. Due to focus and deciding where he is going to spend his energy. Seeing his amazing progress as made me question my own commitment.

Currently I'm a bit of a writer ninja. When I get a quick half an hour before an appointment I get the iPad or note book out. But I think I now need to devote some serious time in. Unfortunately, lots of other areas of my life need time too!