My One Word

Janathon Update - no planned exercise for today - but big run with a Cake Club tomorrow.

I have finally chosen my 'One Word.'

http://myoneword.org

Like the site says,

'The challenge is simple: lose the long list of changes you want to make this year and instead pick ONE WORD.'

My word - well two words are SELF NUTURE

The times you feel the worst are the most important times to do something kind for

yourself.

Last year my husband moved to London to work. For a while I carried on with the business and then wrapped it up. My professional workload was as demanding as ever, and without a spouse to help, domestic chores were endless -- hours of driving our daughters to guides and theatre productions, walking the dog, collecting the garbage, shopping, cleaning, cooking, paying bills. Adding to the pressure was that I needed to try and get my own freelance work up and going. 

I made myself ill. My anxiety problems reached an all time high. At one point I couldn't drive. 

I was forced to learn the most difficult lesson in my life - I had to learn to say 'no.' And not just make excuses. I had to be honest and tell people the reason why I couldn't help, which meant admitting I was overwhelmed, admitting what caused me to feel panicky, and accepting there were only so many hours in the day. Trying to accommodate others meant that I was grumpy with my children and disappointed in myself.

Some people have been remarkably supportive. 

Some are no longer speaking to me. The parent group I was a member of to raise funds for the school has folded. Even one or two members of my church have told me how disappointed they are. 

Other still speak, but are huffy and offended - convinced that the fact I can no longer jump in and rescue is some personal slight at them.

It has been a learning curve. 

Now I feel it's time for the next step.

I want to learn to be a bit kinder to myself.