Thursday, November 7, 2013

Important lessons

It's nearly a year since my husband moved to work in Stevenage. 

This is probably the biggest challenge I have ever experienced. It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed and resentful about my situation, particularly because 
I didn’t choose it. I struggled, I had less personal time, I was frightened of being solely responsible for my children’s needs, and the extra financial stress also added pressure. These were all things that were dealt with – and they did get easier as I adapted. The loneliness, feelings of rejection and hurt lingered. 

The most important lesson I learnt was resenting my situation made it harder to cope with it, and didn't help me or my children come to terms with our new lives.

I am lucky in the fact that my partner and I were friends before we married. We still have a lot in common, mainly the fact we both adore our children. Weekends are used not to argue, but to spend time with the children. In the past year he has phoned the children every night to see how their day was, and then asked to speak to me to see if we needed anything. When my car broke down he was the first person I thought to phone. And when things have hit the fan for him, he's rang me.

He's a great father. I was listening to some members of my university class talking about their absent fathers, it made me count my blessings! He has done his best to maintain the girls, and if I'm honest me financially. And, I was grateful that he came back when I was in hospital and France.

But it's hard, especially when the kids are in bed, you're exhausted and the house feels empty.  I suppose it is the feelings of failure, depression and low self-esteem which is the real enemy. I've gradually fell into a new routine, and with the support of those wonderful friends of mine who have been so encouraging, my new life has started to feel 'normal'. Like all stressful events in life, time can heal painful scars.

However, now Christmas is approaching which is a regular minefield for all families. But rather than worry, which would be a little wry after yesterday's post. I have decided to focus on this quote:

“And when we give each other Christmas gifts in His name, let us remember that He has given us the sun and the moon and the stars, and the earth with its forests and mountains and oceans--and all that lives and move upon them. He has given us all green things and everything that blossoms and bears fruit and all that we quarrel about and all that we have misused--and to save us from our foolishness, from all our sins, He came down to earth and gave us Himself.” 
― Sigrid Undset

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