Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Accept that you have fears but don't let them rule you.

My husband is shy. I get it. I sympathise. But my one pet hate about some shy people is there certain belief that they have complete ownership on nerves.

Many people don't realise I suffer from sensorineural deafness. Rightly or wrongly I've never ticked the disabled box. I actually had six years speech therapy as a child. I still struggle with different sounds, speak too loud, interrupt when others are talking because I think they're finished. I miss a lot of what is going on around me. I learned to be the clown, laughed when I got the word wrong. Pretended to be a little bit thick - acted the comedian. The reason - nerves and to cover up the fact I have a problem. 

Last night I helped on the refreshment stall at my daughters school play to raise money for the school. I struggled to hear and fell back into my usual jokey playing the fool behaviour. Someone who is shy may envy the way I can chat and talk to strangers, but that is the way I cope with nerves and I often feel self loathing for my loud behaviour. I didn't know the other helpers. I didn't feel like I fit in. So I went back to tried and tested coping strategies.

I suffer from anxiety a lot. The thing is that everyone has different ways of copying with there fears. It may be public speaking, reading out your work, the paralysing fear that you will fail or be speechless. I may cover well in front of people, but it's not uncommon for me to be up all night and most of that time is usually in the bathroom.

Realising that everyone has their own hang ups is a good step in being more forgiving to your problems.  Everyone has a burden that one has to carry on their own. It doesn't always mean that it is a physical burden, it may be a psychological burden. It isn't something that can be shared or off loaded. The question is what to do about it?

If you struggle reading your work out loud - do it as often as you can. Stop telling yourself what you CAN'T do and focus on what you can do. The best thing you can do is to over-prepare when you're facing an intimidating situation that makes you nervous. The number one cause for nerves is feeling inadequate. Practise. Put yourself into scary positions. 

I didn't feel last night went well, and I'm worried about doing it again on Thursday. But even if I did appear to be a loud nut. At least I know I did it! I wanted to help the school raise money - and that's what I did.  Accept that you have fears, understand that you may not like how you deal with them, but don't let them rule you.

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