In The Balance - Friday Flash Fiction

She slipped off her shoes then stood on the scales. Biting her bottom lip she tried not to cry. She had attempted to lose at least two pounds this week and had gone to bed hungry every night. Perhaps it was he jeans, she peeled them off and avoided her reflection in the bathroom mirror. What was the point? Disillusion she retreated to the fridge.
The scales chucked.
'You're really mean do you know that,' the shower said in disgust.

Reading The Naked Lawyer with anorak on

I still feel out of time due to the bank holiday and I'm trying to prepare for tomorrow. You see in the morning, me hubby and kids are getting into the car and going to Strafford Upon Avon. It's not for a fun day out, it is hopefully going to be a lot more productive than that. Hubby and I are going to our third training seminar with Chrissie Lightfoot better know as The Entrepreneur Lawyer.

We're both read volumes 5 & 6 of her book The Naked Lawyer and are ready to go. But despite the sexy title of the text book, self employment and family life can put a little downer on all the excitement. Five days work is being squeezed into three. My great friend Lynne is opening The Writers @ Lovedean. My mother in law has kindly agreed to drive down from Cheshire to watch the children all day in Strafford while we are in the seminar. I've made packed lunches for my girls. Nintendos and PSPs are currently charging to entertain the children on the two hour drive. And the dog walker just emailed to say she is unable to pop in and see the dog, so it will be Walkies at the crack of dawn. Plus hubby is still not sure of his personal brand.

But we both believe it will be worth it. Love it or hate it social media is here to stay. We both feel strongly that it is a case of keep up or go extinct.

It is so refreshing to actual read something and talk to someone who is up beat and excited about business. I particularly enjoy the concept of actually having a strategy regarding social media. Although Chrissie is primarily concerned with the business of law she understands why no one likes those individuals who only tweet, put up a Facebook message or use Linked in to try and sell you something.

I'm still working and thinking about rebranding myself. I like my new name and I've bought the domain for it. Now it is just a matter of pulling everything together in a professional manner. I still have a lot to learn.

Feel the fear and doing it anyway.

It's the last week of the summer holiday and then my beautiful girls go back to school. I love the long summer holidays and I'll be sorry to see them go. But I thrive on a good routine and structure so I think the new term will be good for me. What I'm particularly thankful about at the moment is my husband.

He is very inspiring at the moment. He suffers a great deal from shyness, so I have great admiration for him when he does pick up that phone and tries to get work or business. For him the phone is his own personal nemesis, an adversary that he will never beat. I'm sure he will be disappointed if I agree with him. But he's right. Being shy he fears being the first to start the conversation and making those all important calls are difficult. I think to some degree it will always be difficult.

Overcoming your fear, or as the famous book says 'Feeling the fear and doing it anyway' doesn't stop you feeling anxious. Yet, doing something you don't like is powerful stuff. Doing anything new in life is scary — and no one is immune to it. The only way to get through it is to get stuck into the things that terrify you. Whether it’s public speaking, telling a friend how you feel or leaving the job you hate, you have to do the thing you are terrified of. Now! And then never look back.

I was so pleased when he decided it was time to stop avoiding unpleasant and frankly terrifying tasks and just get on with it. I've noticed that it's overflowing to his personal training goals to. Basically he's managed to do what he never got round to reading in the self help book I bought him years ago.

FEEL THE FEAR IN A NUTSHELL

TRUTH ONE: The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
TRUTH TWO: The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
TRUTH THREE: The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it.
TRUTH FOUR: Not only am I going to experience fear when I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
TRUTH FIVE: Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

The reason I loved Susan Jeffers book is that it was written by a woman telling other women to stop trying to be perfect and have the confidence to just go out there and do something, anything.

Most self-help books tell women how to find the perfect love, Jeffers tells you that there’s no such thing until you find your own happiness. I feel so much pleasure in seeing my lovely husband dismiss what he thinks he should be doing with his time and money and instead is discovering what he wants to do to make himself happy and fulfilled.

How can that be described as anything else other than an amazing success?

Not Writing But Typing

Not Waving but Drowning
BY STEVIE SMITH
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

One of my favourite poems.

Unfortunately at the moment I'm not writing but typing! It's not that I have writers block. In fact I don't really believe in writers block. Once a fortnight I run a 'work' week for my writers group. Despite moans, groans and excuses when I put them on the spot, everyone manages to write something. I'm not saying that what you write will always be good, but you can always get something down.

Except I haven't. I've found myself procrastinating. I'm filling my time with other activities. I could use the fact that I'm still not completely over my stomach bug and I'm feeling run down as an excuse, but instead I took the dog out for an evening walk. All health gurus claim that this would be an instant fix to all ills. But I can't help noticing that I've come home and written a blog instead of my story...

The High Life Friday Flash Fiction

Cassie laid her head back on the tiles and waited for the bubbles to rise. She couldn't believe that she hadn't crashed the health club before. It hadn't been hard, she reported her membership card missing when she stole the purse. She'd come in and let them take a new photograph for the new membership card. The beauty of it was that the fat cow she stole it from had only been to the club four times.

At first she worried that one day she would turn up and the membership would be cancelled, but listening to the complaints from the members she wouldn't be able to cancel for another eight months if she tried. Imagine paying all that money and never coming, Cassie loved it. She was desperate to find somewhere to have a hot shower when she decided to try her luck. She raided the lost property and got a bag and gym wear. Then she took a class or two it was better then roaming the streets, next thing she was hooked. Today was the first time she braved the pool and jacuzzi, hers hadn't been the sort of childhood that contained swimming lessons.

The pickings were fabulous at a health club the things these rich morons left on offer was unbelievable. Even if they did bother to put something in a locker it wasn't a problem, they couldn't even tell she had broken in.

A handsome man smiled, 'do you mind if I join you?'

Cassie broke into a large grin, 'please do, I love the hot bubbles.'

It was hard to judge how wealthy the guy was just in a bathing suit, still if he could afford this place he couldn't a bad mark.

'Have you been a member long?'

He had a tan to die for, he probably wintered in the sun, 'a few months. You?'

'I've been coming here for years, but I must admit its not the same.'

'Why?'

'Same as everywhere, falling standards, I don't know it's just not the same, things are going missing, it use to be like one big happy family.'

'Stuff going missing?'

'Yeah, phones, wallets and now someone is even breaking into the lockers, a lot of the members think it must be the staff because the locks aren't broken.'

'Well it's probably the staff then. I wish the bubbles would come on.'

'Yeah but we haven't had any new members of staff for ages, and it isn't the same people on when things go missing and we've been searching the female members of staff when they leave.'

'I'm getting chilly I think I should go and have a shower now.'

'No I think you should come with me.'

Cassie stood up, 'look I'm going to have a shower now, I don't like they way you've been talking to me, I may even decide to speak to the manger about you. In fact I may even leave this stupid health club if the staff are thieves and your jacuzzi isn't even working.'

'Miss as manger I welcome every new platinum member personally, but I didn't greet you. My staff aren't thieves and I can assure you that our jacuzzi is working, it's over there, this is the children's paddling pool.

leftbrainwrite: COFFEE IN CHINATOWN (The Runaway--XI)

leftbrainwrite: COFFEE IN CHINATOWN (The Runaway--XI)

Happy Email

I think I'm beginning to constantly expect bad news. I open letters cautiously and I don't like that about myself. I think you find what you look for and I writing is an occupation were you need to be optimistic to get you through the slumps.

So I was delighted to receive an email from Dom Kippin Portsmouth's Literature Development Officer informing me that I've been selected to take part in the Portsmouth's Book Fest. It's called 12 x 12, 12 writers are each given an opportunity to read their work out at The Central Library plus a Re Authoring training day.

Details of Portsmouth Book Fest are as follows:

'Portsmouth has a strong literary heritage including Charles Dickens, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and HG Wells and Portsmouth BookFest continues that tradition, attracting diverse audiences to exciting events featuring popular and accessible authors.

Portsmouth BookFest is jointly organised by Portsmouth City Library Service and The Hayling Island Bookshop. There is an associated schools programme organised by Portsmouth School Library Service.


The BookFest aims to promote both book buying and book borrowing especially amongst groups who may not have previously considered participating in book related events. BookFest uses a wide variety of venues, many not normally associated with book events such as sports centres, museums, night clubs and pubs as well as libraries and community centres.

We offer incentives to our audiences to sign up and join the Library Service as new members and we keep ticket prices low to make the events accessible to all sections of the community.

Portsmouth BookFest 2012
This will run between October 22nd and November 3rd 2012. Programme details will be announced in early September.'

http://www.portsmouthbookfest.co.uk/?p=10

I was pleased to see another member of The Writers @ Lovedean Joanne Mallon is also included in the 12 x 12. It's nice to have something different and new to look forward to.

Not writing

I'm quite proud of my anxiety management but I've been off colour over the weekend to the point I've even managed to lose a bit of weight. Unfortunately, I find being the sick member of the family extremely difficult. It tends to trigger a emotional numbness and detachment with people around me.

I haven't done any writing over the weekend but I have made a list of things I've 'failed' at, you know the things you hope to achieve in the morning but don't get round to.

My husband even though he's busy has managed to go to the gym, mow the lawn, and get to grip with his workload over the weekend. Although I'm grateful I'm also jealous. I'm the one who gets things done.

My husband is currently making tea for our two daughters and their three friends. And once again I need to ask why, when one parent almost let me off the hook and said, 'are you sure you don't mind having her - you look terrible?'

Why didn't I say, 'you know you're right I feel terrible can I make it another day?'

I think what I need to do is revisit why I started this blog and look at what, if any progress I've made.

When a friend becomes an obstacle

On Monday I saw a friend who is a career woman, although approaching retirement is still willing to jump at any new and exciting opportunities. She is a vibrant hardworking person. I came home. I wrote. I made plans. I was focused.

I was pleased to see that my film review for Ted was published by the e-magazine The Motion Online http://www.themotiononline.co.uk/category/magazine/
Although broke, I was having 'good' days.

Today I've been on a bit of a downer all day. I'm always very careful about saying I suffer from anxiety and depression because I think words are powerful. If you constantly state that you suffer from depression, talk about it all the time it becomes very real and solid. I try to remind myself that symptoms appear and then they go away again. But I am now at a stage when I can accurately predict if a situation is going to be challenging. I cling to what I know to be true - depression is not a fixed state.

Yesterday, just as I was leaving the house to walk the dog I had a phone call from a friend I've know for eighteen years. She is a bouncy helpful kind hearted person who can talk the ears of a donkey. We only talk about six times a year but I knew that was going to be a two hour phone call. I explained I was going out to walk the dog and then go to an appointment, but during my walk I felt bad. She sounded really down on the phone.

Due to my medical history I don't like the thought of anyone being depressed and alone but over the last ten years her phone calls have taken a very negative pattern. My friend is dissatisfied with her life and spends the entire call comparing her lot with other people she knows. She guesses how much she thinks others are earning which she always feels is more than her (and to be honest most of her guesses are ridiculously over estimations). But she is unwilling to think of others outgoings, doesn't think that they may have debts or a mortgage. She retrained as a teacher about twelve years ago and mainly teaches supply, she is woeful over the lack of a permanent appointment and is obviously disappointed. I don't know if you recall the government promises on television about salary for teachers. Supply teaching is hard and you don't get paid for the holidays. She puts so much effort into each role in the hope she will be taken on. It is very demoralising not to have a permanent role but the fact my husbands been made redundant twice in the last three years or the fact that my job search isn't going great, and the business is treading water in a time of a global depression does not pick up on her radar. No one has it harder than she does. She is comparing herself to people her age further up the career ladder. Everyone has better holidays, better cars and better houses. And if you do try and point out blessings, she's had a couple of great holidays over the last few years, that doesn't count. It is always answered in a 'yeah but...'

Counting your blessings is incredibly hard. I'm currently in a place were I think I have made a victory in getting out of bed in the morning. Each day I try to not focus on financial worries and try to be thankful for my health, my children, the time I share with my husband, the fabulous technology we have at our finger tips these days, the dog, anything. Maybe this will be the day when a new customer comes on board? Maybe today will be the day that the rejection letter is really a yes? Perhaps, maybe that unclaimed lottery ticket will be mine?

These calls end up in one of two ways, me massaging her ego, 'your right it's not fair, you're a great person, a great teacher...' While she actually puts me down, 'when I was your age I was slim, I my figure was like Barbie, my house was always spotless etc.' I usually end up feeling like s***. Or you get into this competing for who has it worse. Again I end up feeling really bad.

Last night I didn't sleep. What was the point of me and my hubby trying to make a go of things? I was beginning to think like my friend, I was comparing my life with what I thought others had. I could feel the bubbles of resentment.

And it's because you pick up habits of the people you spend time with. Lie with a dog get up with fleas spend time with upbeat positive people and you feel like you can touch the moon to.

I love my friend. I want her to be happy. Today I realised that she is not a good influence on me, that as long as she is comparing herself to others she will never be happy and sadly she needs to put others down to make herself feel better.

I don't know what to do. Once she starts work in September I won't hear from her until the next crisis. So perhaps I should just put the problem on hold? But I have finally woke up and smelt the coffee, the company you keep is important.

I started this blog because I turned forty I have spent my life up to now looking after other people and I wanted to be more focused on setting my own goals, dreams and aiming for that publishing deal.

The Writers Umbrella

The Writers @ Lovedean went to The Groundlings Theatre in Portsmouth to read in the Arts Festival celebrating Jonas Hanway birth. For those who don't know he invented the umbrella.

I had a great day, but I tend to enjoy things like this. I think it's because I've always been a volunteer I can see all the hard work put into organising an event like this. There are always those who just wander around the side lines making the occasional comment of how things could be improved if they did it, which they don't.

Today at The Groundlings there was a wonderful atmosphere. Singers and actors did their best to perform and we also got on that stage and did our best. And because I run the group I thought what the hell and I let my kids read their work to. They were still buzzing when they came home.

It's took a massive amount of time to sort out. I decided pretty early on that I did not want to spend all my time sitting on a stall and I'm working hard on looking at how social media can benefit groups and business. So I offered help to all my members but only three members took the opportunity to record their work to be played on a screen. I also took a snippet from the radio soap myself and Lynne Stone used to write for and and made a poster screen for the group. Unfortunately putting it onto a video was still outside my technical skills so my husband had to put it together. I sat watching him over his shoulder, but hubby is many wonderful things be he isn't a teacher. I don't think I would have done it if I knew how much time it was going to take. Posters and leaflets were made. My daughter had the idea to give poems away in a bag with our details on. It was a lovely thought but time consuming. Still it can always be used again.

I had to send emails and jolly members to come along but they did and they performed brilliantly.

I wanted the group to benefit from my social media training so I set up a twitter account and Facebook page for The Writers @ Lovedean.

The result - that same feeling I had when I set up the blog. I didn't get round to really thinking about what I was going to read. I didn't get round to making a little video short of my work. And when everyone else described feeling like they had climbed a mountain I felt like I could have done more.

Still a great day.

Learning what is required, practice and mastery

My head hurts. I haven't washed up and I've said yes to my daughters friend coming for a sleepover.

The reason?

My on going mission to try and get my head around social media. Last night and today I have literally spent hours creating a Facebook page for The Writers at Lovedean. It was the timeline that was the problem, I wanted a fair representation of all the members success. The problem is that despite nagging people they don't keep their profiles up to date. So I had to spend time searching people on the Internet to find the dates of competition wins etc.

No matter what I did I couldn't work out how to put the photos in the timeline. It is my age old problem of trying to do the same thing as last time then remembering - often after nine or ten attempts - that last time I was using the app version of Facebook or using the safari version.

I've also opened a twitter account for the group, @writerslovedean. Plus I can confirm, and if there is a short cut please let me know, that to open a new twitter account you need a new email. I was told this by a fellow writer, but I didn't believe her. Legs between my tail I opened a new email and then the twitter account and finally a Facebook page. Obviously I'm hoping to follow the same process for mine and my husband's business.

The next thing on the agenda is a bit of group house keeping. The members bio page on The Writers @ Lovedean webpage looks terrible. Now that people can follow us on twitter and Facebook I can get on with making the leaflets for The Groundlings event.

The thing is when you are doing these things for the first time it is a long slow progress, but once it's set up maintaining it isn't as bad. I hope!

It doesn't matter if it's driving a car, baking a cake or social media it's still a process.

Learning what is required

Practice

Mastery

Inappropriately correcting people

I'm an ex English teacher. I'm also very weak at spelling. So I'm used to people being surprised when I make a mistake. It is because they assume I must have a greater knowledge on a subject because of my previous vocation. When teaching I was exceptionally careful at checking and rechecking work before I gave it to students in a professional capacity. However, if someone shouts across a room and asks me to spell something away from my dictionary I'm stumped.

On Friday I received a telephone message to let me know that a member of The Writers @ Lovedean was ill, he'd had a series of mini strokes. I sent an email out to the group so any members who were particular friends of his would know and explained that I had an appointment in Southampton that afternoon. I asked for members to email personal messages so I could cut them out and put them in a card and promised to phone his wife that evening and let everyone know how he was. That evening I phoned his wife and sent an update of his condition to the group. And then carried on with work until the early hours.

Saturday morning brought the usual stresses of running a family and the dreaded business banking. But on Saturday afternoon myself and another member visited him and his wife for a couple of hours. Both of us busy with our own lives we still took time out to see and help another human being in a time of distress. I came home and sent out another group email to let people know how he was. It was a hurried email and I made a spelling mistake. I then got ready to do my husbands books.

I received an email from a member of the group correcting one spelling mistake in the email. I was absolutely furious and upset. I'm not much of a crier but I was in tears. Why did it upset me so much?

I'm constantly asking people to check my work for mistakes. I have often complained about my woeful editing skills. On the whole I would say I accept criticism far easier than praise. Yet here I was in tears over a three word email. In the past I would have said nothing and eaten a bar of chocolate and pretended that it didn't bother me. But it was strange that the week before I had spoken to a lady called Kate about speaking from the heart. I sent back an email immediately saying that I hate these sort of inappropriate corrections, it makes me angry and depressed.

I didn't sleep that night. I was still so upset that in the midst of someone

• doing their best
• trying to be nice
• being frantically busy but trying to keep everyone happy

That the only thing they could see to comment on, was a spelling mistake.

A writing group in its very nature is a place to receive criticism. I have explained to members time and again that once they decide to share their work they no longer own it. You have asked for feedback and it may not be nice or what you want to hear. So if you can't take it don't put it out to the room. At the same time I ask members to try and give criticism nicely. No one wants to be corrected in a curt, condescending, blunt, rude, abrasive, or exasperated manner.

When something like this happens the advice you usually hear is don't take it personally and it was then I realised why I was so distraught.

It felt personal. But I think there are lots of reasons for inappropriately correcting people:

• They may think they're being helpful, interesting, or impressive by pointing out someone's mistake.
• They're not considering that the correction may not be appropriate at that time.
• They may have a mentality where it just feels 'wrong' to let a mistake slide.
• They may feel they just have to say something, and get a sense that they're restoring balance to the universe by sharing the Truth with others.
• Some people may get a little ego boost from being knowledgeable, knowing more than someone else, and getting to show it.
• Some people may correct others out of a sense of intellectual competitiveness. By pointing out someone's mistake they feel 'one up' over them.

Usually when receiving criticism I follow a tried and tested pattern.

I give the criticism some time to sink in and resist the urge to defend myself or lash back. Is there truth to what they are saying? Do I actually agree with the criticism?

I then try to turn the criticism into a positive. I rewrite that passage. I take out the repetition. Even if criticism is harsh or mean, you can turn it to your advantage. Most criticism points out a mistake and has in it a suggestion where you can change something to make it better.

Even if someone is harsh and rude, I tend to thank them. They might have been having a bad day, or maybe they’re just a negative person in general. But even so, an attitude of gratitude will probably catch them off-guard.

On the whole I try to learn from the critic. They may have been nasty and unpleasant but that doesn't mean they haven't managed to spot a mistake you're been making.

My usual aim is to be the better person. But the way that many of us handle what we see as personal attack is by attacking back. “I’m not going to let someone talk to me that way.” Especially if this criticism is made in public. You have to defend yourself, and attack the attacker … right?

Wrong. By attacking the attacker, you are stooping to his level. Even if the person was mean or rude, you don’t have to be the same way. You don’t have to commit the same sins.

Be the better person.

I try removing myself from the criticism, and looking only at the actions criticised. They are not criticising me as a whole but my tendency to be loud or blunt. By seeing the positive in the criticism, and trying to improve. By thanking the critic. And by responding with a positive attitude I have accepted the criticism with grace and appreciation. And in doing so, remained the better person, and felt great about myself.


This didn't happen on this occasion. I responded directly as I was feeling, I told him I didn't find it funny, helpful or pleasant. He emailed me back saying he wouldn't be returning to the group.

Next came the surprise. I expected to feel sorry, sad or guilty. But instead, rightly or wrongly, my gut says that I have managed to stand up and draw a line in the way I let people treat me. I was transported back to therapy I had years ago and the words of Dr Phil (http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/131/)
'We Teach People How to Treat Us
You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't. This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that you get at the hands of someone else. You shape others' behaviour when you teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.

If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit or allow that treatment. Identify the payoffs you may be giving someone in response to any negative behavior. For example, when people are aggressive, bossy or controlling — and then get their way — you have rewarded them for unacceptable behavior.'

I feel better about myself. I managed to say 'no' that is not acceptable AND I haven't felt bad about that person leaving. In fact in a sick way it made me feel a little better about myself - the words they
'can give it but can't take it' keep rolling around my head. I definitely think it is a time in my life to be a little less zen and the 'better person' and a little bit more verbally 'no' that isn't acceptable!

Don't believe the dead.

“You can’t believe everything you hear,” said Sally. “Especially from the dead.”

“I just think it’s worth looking into, that’s all.” Ben replied.

Sally looked a little disgusted.

“Him?” She said. “They aren’t hims or hers, they’re its. Do you even know what ghosts are? I mean what they really are?”

“Of course, they’re people who’ve died. They’ve got – “

“Wrong. They’re all the nasty and spiteful bits of the soul that can’t get into Heaven. They’re just so much slighted ectoplasm with a long memory and a complete inability to forgive. Next time one of the wretched things starts shooting its mouth off, do yourself a favour: stick your fingers in your ears and start whistling the theme tune from Laurel and Hardy. They hate that.”

Ben changed the subject, he knew why Sally hated the dead. He tried not to let her catch him glancing at the clock. Eventually she pushed her text books into the purple rucksack that accompanied her everywhere. He walked her to the door, the cold October night had a real bite.

Ben could feel the ghost standing behind him watching Sally make her way down the path.

"Are you ever going to more on into Heaven?" Ben asked.

"Sure when the wife's ready. Are you going to tell her?" the ghost asked.

Ben shook his head sadly "Why? This is her idea of heaven, believing that she is alive."

Finding the energy to write

If we found energy and passion down a well, I think mine is pretty low at the moment. But using the same analogy what have I been spending my energy on?

I spoke to a fella writer and blogger last week who told me 'every time I spend time and energy pushing someone else up I am slowly sinking down.'

Please check out her blog at http://magnoliasoul.wordpress.com/ she is quite insightful when she finds the time to write.

The result of these profound words is that I've been in a pretty bad mood all week.

Despite living 350 miles from an elderly aunt I spent yesterday afternoon downloading and filling in forms for her and completing them over the phone. Did I mind? No. But I was a bit miffed when she asked if my motives behind my act of kindness was to be left in her will! I know I'm not the only person out there who after spending a few hours 'trying to help' are left wondering, why did I bother? So why couldn't I say 'ask another relative or go to the CAB?' Now that is the question.

To a certain extent I think that women are there own worse enemies. Not only do they see themselves as the caretaker for family and friends, but quite often they do even when they aren't asked. They spend their energy on others.

The next big energy waste is the need for drama, either your own or other peoples. When I think of all the little and large drama's I've been involved in I can't help wondering where I would be if I could have just transferred that to writing screen plays.

I've always been most productive as a writer when I have booked time to write. Often going to the library or a coffee shop, somewhere the washing machine can't whisper 'why not empty me it will only take two seconds.'

Working with my husband as made this a little more difficult. I like structure he is (bizarrely coming from a writer) more creative with his time. I have also noticed that when he is absorbed in a task he is completely focused. The grass could be screaming 'mow me, mow me now' and he still wouldn't notice. And better yet he wouldn't feel guilty about not doing it. I envy that. Recently he is focused on bodybuilding and wants to compete in a tournament next year. He's made amazing progress in just a couple of months. Due to focus and deciding where he is going to spend his energy. Seeing his amazing progress as made me question my own commitment.

Currently I'm a bit of a writer ninja. When I get a quick half an hour before an appointment I get the iPad or note book out. But I think I now need to devote some serious time in. Unfortunately, lots of other areas of my life need time too!