This was to be a blog about learning to be selfish, making me time.
Where am I at this moment? Burnout and exhausted. I have all the annoying symptoms of being rock bottom, clumsy, cold sores, tired but not sleeping and of course making bizarre and silly mistakes.
Now here is the weird and wonderful thing about being human. I need to take time to recharge. So I have been reducing them amount of volunteering and general helpfulness. Well that's good I here you say. So why do I have a strange and uncontrollable fear that something terrible will happen when I finish my to do list.
I think I was about twelve when I started making lists, and yes I would even add things for the simple pleasure of crossing them off. Now you may also make lists - but do you put a date next to each item to tell you when the task MUST be completed? No? Then in my mind you are not a proper list maker. I even colour code my lists, red must be completed today, yellow next green last. I am not allowed to do a green task (which is usually something easy or fun) until all the reds and orange tasks are completed.
I’m not sure if list makers are more successful in life, but I believe they have more fun putting sticky notes on everything. But I do know that I now have five things left on my list, I can't remember it ever being in single figures. So why am I not jumping up and down with joy for actually finishing the list? Why is my heart pounding? Why am I gripped with the fear that something terrible will take place when I finally cross off the last item.
On the up side, if the world does end when I cross off my final task at least no one will know about it.